I am…Yet not I

Meditation Journal. 2/6/14, 7:39 AM

Prepared inwardly, in my meditative mood still, fully absorbed in the content of my soul, every word has the power of its own substance, reverberating.

“Thou art…
“I am…Yet, Not I, but the Christ in me…
“It thinks me…
“It weaves me…
“It works me……
“Thou art.”

As a statement, this prayer acts in my soul with an unusual power. It proclaims itself impersonally, so that it doesn’t live in the petty, personal part of my soul. Rather, it lends itself to living in my deepest/highest inner being, almost unattainable, yet not without hope of attainment. It wrests me free of the colorings and lesser longings that are part of my personal imperfections.
But this is still very personal. I hesitate even to share some parts of this journal. Let me explore my reservations? There are mantras that could be too little mine to know how and where to share. Writing meets the unprepared as often as the prepared reader. The lesser tragedy would unfold if these were misunderstood and passed over as inconsequential. Has anything of value ever been diminished by being overlooked? Taken more seriously, if it were wrongly construed by some reader, this meditation could ignite unintended pride, unbridled egotism. At the other extreme, it could be used to vanquish the imperfect ego and replace it with ??? It has these powers!
And lastly, I realize that it may be nothing but my personal will that lies behind the act of writing and then publishing these words in the first place.

…And Yet, they need to be heard…universally…

And Yet… they need to be practiced by me long before I can rightly have the role of repeating them to others. What kind of vehicle am I? What kind of shallow vessel am I, who can hardly contain these words in myself, but that they spill out of me as soon as I try to take them in? Would they not, of themselves, permeate me more profoundly and make of me a finer, deeper vessel, were I to hold them longer? Can I both speak of them and hold them simultaneously with the same effect? Or will their power in me be dissipated by outwardly expressing them?

…And Yet… they need to be experienced inwardly, reverently, thankfully, boldly! Humbly… Universally!

Perhaps they follow the same path as that “twice-blessed” Mercy, which “droppeth as the gentle rain from Heaven”, blessing both the receiver and the giver. (Shakespeare: Merchant of Venice)

…I can only pray…

“There are so many revealed mysteries (that remain unknown) because the feeling for them becomes conscious in so few people, and these few, fearing to harm themselves and others, do not give voice to their inner explanations.” (Wolfgang Goethe in a letter to C.L.F. Schultz, November 28, 1821, in Goethes Werke (Goethe’s Works), Weimar ed., sec. 4, vol. 35, 1906, p. 192.)

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